A Spiritual Universe Ceremony with Pagan Undertones

Nowadays couples have the freedom of being able to have a wedding ceremony that is not religious but allows them both to express or honor their faith in a way that makes them both comfortable.  More couples are opting for this choice which not only expresses, but also reflects the consideration and compromise they share in their relationship.  It is beautiful when two people can love each other completely and allow one another the space or freedom they need to practice their beliefs or in some cases non-belief, without causing the other to feel awkward or forced to believe as they do.  A couple can share the same values and yet have different paths of spirituality or religion, in the end love conquers all.  The only obstacles in love are the ones that we consciously or unconsciously create with rigidness instead of flexibility.

Finding an officiant that can provide this type of wedding ceremony requires an ordained minister or wedding officiant who is non-denominational.  In other words one that is open to all paths and can honor and respect your beliefs.  In most cases a pastor, reverend or clergy-person of an established church or temple cannot provide you with an Inter-Faith wedding ceremony because they have taken an oath that commits them to their religion and they are not likely to break that oath.  So for example even if Father Brown has been a friend of the family for 20 years and you think ‘surely he can make some modifications for our wedding, I’ve known him my whole life’, well you better think again.  As much as he may want to I’m certain that he will not be willing to break his vows just so you can have a wedding ceremony that has non-religious undertones that make you or your fiancé comfortable.  If you don’t believe me ask.

So what exactly is an Inter-Faith Ceremony?  Let’s start with the common working parts of a ceremony first.

1. Processional – Entrance of the Bride and Groom, Bride and Bride, Groom and Groom, and the wedding party
2. Opening words or Welcome by officiant
3. The giving in marriage (optional and not always needed)
4. Opening prayer or reading or music or literature or poetry
5. Wedding vows
6. Second reading or music or literature or poetry
7. Exchange of wedding rings and/or gifts
8. A unity ceremony (optional)
9. Closing words by officiant
10. Pronouncement of marriage
11. First kiss as a married couple
12. Introduction as Mr. & Mrs. or Mr. & Mr. or Mrs. & Mrs.

So taking a look at this list you can see that there is indeed room to work and come up with many creative solutions that will satisfy your needs in creating a ceremony that is right for you.

The variations and examples of couples are endless, it could be an Agnostic and an Atheist, a Buddhist and a Christian, a Spiritualist and a Catholic.  You get the idea right?  So quite naturally the possibilities for creating a ceremony that reflects both of your paths of faith (or lack thereof) make your ceremony unique.  For example the tone can be set by the language you prefer to use, such as using Universe in place of God.  The word Holy might feel stronger to a non-religious person than the word sacred does.  A prayer might feel better than a reading or a poem and vice versa.  Sometimes the couple wants to add a specific prayer or tradition because they want to honor the faith they were raised in and because it’s important for them to make their parents feel good about the ceremony.

Once you and your fiancé have talked about and agreed and maybe even compromised on some aspects of what you want and don’t want in your ceremony, then it’s time to find the officiant that can make that happen for you.  If it all possible meet them in person or at the very least have a video call consultation.  Most officiants give free consultations and will not hesitate to be frank about their level of comfort in doing a ceremony that is out of their ordinary scope of things.

So as you might guess I have many examples of couples that have asked me to perform an Inter-Faith ceremony. I’m going to use Matthew and Mariel’s wedding as an example.  This is a couple that made many compromises along the way and their wedding was truly a reflection of the two worlds that were being brought together in this marriage that day.  Mariel knew she wanted a Pagan Ceremony and Matthew was agreeable to that even though he does not label himself as part of any group that is religious or spiritual.  When asked about that he responds “I just believe!”

When we met to put the ceremony together I came prepared with some choices for a pagan ceremony.  Mariel loved the idea of opening sacred space as part of the opening prayer.  They chose a beach ceremony and only family would attend the ceremony.  Everyone was asked to wear white and I was encouraged to wear pagan embellishments to my make up that day.

When we were going over the working parts of the ceremony and they were choosing what words worked and whether or not they wanted a prayer or a reading instead, we came to the part of the ceremony where ‘sacred space would be opened’ there were aspects that made him uncomfortable.  Calling to East, West, South and North reminded him of Hollywood’s rendition of witches doing crafty things.  A few changes made to the words made him comfortable and still satisfied his soon to be wife’s desire to have ‘sacred space opened’ during the ceremony.

For some reason that particular moment stood out for me very much because for me what I saw was the spiritual principle of “compromise”.  Over and over as these two planned their special day some of the elements of the ceremony and the wedding reception changed.  The compromise was never one sided either.  It was talked about, each expressing their point of view and then they reached an agreement.  A perfect way to start a life together is to plan a wedding together and make decisions about all of it together using the three C’s of every long lasting relationship (Communication, Compromise and Consideration for one another).

To end their ceremony it seemed appropriate to do a sand unity ceremony bringing them and their daughter Yazmin all together into this matrimony.  As they each poured the sand into their receptacles I thought of two completely different human beings coming together because of the respect each one has for the other’s beliefs and non-beliefs.  That respect and honor that they have for one another’s inner light and spirit is what makes an Inter-Faith ceremony one of the most fascinating and spiritually fulfilling ceremonies I can ever have the honor of participating in.